Do Not Judge

"Look at her, she is so desi.." Yeah what a cliché... Very Filmy...Isnt it..  The meaning shall be the same, even if the words were to be put differently or in an appealing manner.

 

We have a habit of judging. Social, culture, inherited.. however we develop it as we grow up but we all judge. Be it clothes, behaviour, actions .appearance.. intentional or not we tend to generalize and make perceptions without even understanding the one in focus.

Often we hear "First impression is the last impression" and that's what our books also taught us. But do we really believe in it. Doesn't impression or image of a person you create, when you first met, change over a period of time. The more you get to know a person, its likely that our thoughts for him/her change as well, for good or for bad. One the other hand it can take an entire lifetime to understand a human being, let alone the "first impression". We are complex, aren't we?

As a part of my profession I ask numerous questions to candidate before hiring him/her. Generally it doesn't long for more than 15 minutes to half hour. Those thirty minutes all I am supposed to do is judge, whether the person can be right fit or not. During one of these sessions, i asked a candidate about his views on whether clothes influence human behavior in public or not... The answer was not disappointing.. he compared two popular personalities of our nation.. both having similar profession yet extremely different and opposite when it comes to their appearances.. still highly influential.

 

Off late I came across someone who referred to me as very homely... and homely is not bad but...

"I am as desi as I am "Undesi" ..I can watch House of cards while I can laugh off watching Tarak Mehta ka oolta chashma.  I can watch all Marvel series and enjoy Bollywood too.. I am a blend of two centuries. I can wear sarees and shorts too... I read Grey as well as durjoy... I am this !! Do not judge Me. Understand me to be understood!!!

PS: Use your own conscience when in doubt.



First Official Date

No No No.. this is not another blog on marriages or the debate on arranged vs. love marriages. Turning 29 and still remaining single doesn't leave much scope either, because more than half the population you know is already married and the remaining ones are committed enough to get into one. The only few like me, who still dangle around, leave their fate in the hands of matrimonial websites.

In our social circles , when you hit this age bracket , all you and your parents and the extended family care about  is for you to get a decent job and get settled. While now, I neither have a job nor have any settlements. On the other hand, I would want to know whether people who are married really feel they are settled and in what sense. I believe they have just ticked one of the items on their To-Do list. 

So now, since I have to go through this entire protocol of arranged marriage, these days all I am looking at is numerous profiles on websites and columns in newspapers. Being a recruitment professional, I feel this is no different than any recruitment process that a company would follow. "Finding the right person for the right job". You first create a pool, do a face to face round with the short-listings, have some negotiations and finally hire.  Although, the scope for resigning is very less here. 

After all the fights and arguments at home, my first face to face round was planned. When you don't find the profile appropriate and yet you have to meet the person with half heart, all you hear is "Mil to le, Milne mein kya jata hai". And so I met this guy and his family. I must say if you are checking somebody's profile on Facebook before meeting him/her in person, you might be well misguided. I admit, I did and I was. My parents were so excited as if I was going to get married in that very moment. But the fate had something else in store. Apparently, our "Vichaars"(thoughts) were not in sync and so the process came to end. I felt relieved for once but the thought that I will have to go through more such encounters disappointed me. 

The phrase "First Official Date" was coined by the guy whom I met that day. All thanks to him, I am able to write this post. Also, it makes me think, how can you choose a person, to be with for rest of your life, over a  20 minute chit chat session and asking questions like "Do you cook...because I am a foodie"(My subconscious slams...Boy.. I am a foodie too.. so will you cook for me), "Do you like partying"(Alright ...Do I look like an alien to you) and worst of all "What are your hobbies"(Ok ... Shut up... )?? That's all... Devil!!!


PS :- Just for laughs read funny Matrimonial Ads. 
PPS:- No age to get married or fall in Love!!!

The UN-FAIR Advantage

I was out for a dinner last evening with my big size family at our preferable and often visited south Indian restaurant. The place was quite crowded for a weekday, however we managed to get our favourite family size table. I occupied the extreme corner of the table and could hardly hear the discussion that was happening among the members. Incidentally, I could clearly hear the chatter happening over the table right next to me. I heard the ladies talking about the little girl, her dress  and how cute was she looking in it and eventually how fair coloured she was. To quote the woman's words " mera bacha to gora angrez hai angrez" and the giggles and laughter carried on.... and a thought rapidly crossed my mind..."Are you serious auntyji .. you pretty much look desi"....

Ergo... "How fair is FAIR" !!!

Why are we so obsessed with the fair coloured skin? Why don't we find comfort in whatever colour we are made of? 100% of the times which is not in our hands and which we inherit. It starts right when we are born, goes along with us till our matrimonial ads( Wanted - A FAIR, beautiful/Handsome, Girl/Guy - Go buy a show-piece instead) are placed and yet beyond that. If you think more carefully, its kind of a viscous circle. 

To add cherry on the top, we never seize to make an incidental remark on the dark toned people. 

No wonder, why Indian FMCGs having a product line of a fairness product, are making millions. Just to give you a number, the fairness cream and lotion segment is approx. Rs.3000 Crore market in India. WOW! 

And these FMCGs are going bizarre, spending millions more to advertise and sell the products by your favourite actors. You should see some classics for yourself on youtube. I guarantee you an LMAO session. Women were making a mark in this industry, when men realized that they can be fair and handsome too. Now you see Mr. Khan, suggesting pehelwaans to use men's fairness cream and consequently all the girls going nuts. I remember those funny late night dubbed commercials selling non branded fairness products using standard repetitive statement - " Main pehle bohot niraash thaaa, mere pass job bhi nahi thaaaa ... blah blah". Really.. did anyone use to buy those? And do you get jobs, wife/husband, femina awards after becoming fair in 5 weeks... I suggest sue the people or the company if the answer is YES. 

So what makes us so obsessed to become a tone lighter? Is it the lack of confidence or the statements like "gore rang par har kapda acha lagta hai"  or apparently the society's pressure. I am trying to figure out myself. But next time you feel the same, try reading about people like Oprah Winfrey. 

Er. ...Imagine Will Smith becoming fairer !! Think Think!!

I shall use a tag line of yet another product promoted by a famous actor to end this malicious blog... "Gorepan ke peeche mat bhago... Jaise ho waise dikho"...  (I am not promoting this brand...)

Half hour Journey!

Metro has become one of the most preferred mode of travel in Delhi. Not only it is cheap but provides a comfortable travel, yes but only during off peak hours. Had they got the option of not closing the doors, it was obvious that metro would have become the next gen. blue line buses. Be at Rajiv Chowk Station to experience the travel corresponding to "General Dabba" of Indian Railways. 

To add to this, one fine day because of  some unhealthy creatures of our society, Metro Corp. became generous and decided to give one entire compartment to Ladies. So if you are a women standing in the first compartment of the train, you can see that  the immediate next compartment is full of men having all eyes on the former one, literally all. Personally, I do not travel in the Ladies Special. First because its all ladies and second, I have noticed that females are not really generous towards other females when it comes to sharing seats. Also Aunty ji's with big bums tell you "thoda adjust kar lo".. but aunty ji where is the space!! Thought - there are now 8 compartments in the train out of which only 1 is for women. Judge the ratio of men: women in this country.  

So most people who travel to work using metro at the same time everyday, would agree that they are likely to see same faces. Travelling alone is boring but if you have good observation skills you can kill time. I see most people with earphones plugged in, some playing candy crush saga, techies on laptops or heads into newspapers.. few with novels.. and many speaking out loud on phones. 

So while I was on-board today, I had half an hour time to reach the destination and so the time to scan. It was a very usual environment until the train reached  Qutub Minar Station. I was leaning against the door when, a young lad with an average height, brown complexion, and black unruly hair, wearing a long kurta, denims and kolhapuri chappals, boarded and stood right in front, grabbed my attention. He was quite a charmer. Patiently, I took a while to examine this appealing personality. Woah! I was checking out. Sooner, I realized that other females were doing the same. You cannot just examine for too long as it becomes staring after a level. So I took off me eyes. But "manchala dil".. could not help.. So this time an eye to eye contact happened. I could sense the brief smile that was exchanged. 

Suddenly, the door opened and an automated voice announced the arrival of my station.

How time passes!!

To be or not to be

How are people so sorted... how do they have in mind what they have to do.. ?  how come they are so planned ... 


I have never been so sorted, pre-planned or foreseeable. Even if I wanted to, it proved otherwise.
So, may be God has always willingly wanted me to be carefree and go with the flow..


Do I want to become the former.. I doubt.  But when I see those who have it all fixed and are at ease.. i doubt again. 

Its not that I regret but sometimes I look back, think hard and talk to myself, that had I done something else, had I been more stronger and decisive, life would have been simpler, different and may be better. Had I been a Painter, I might have traveled the world! But then its part of it,,, we all have choices.. and we make it in the moment. Right or wrong, we only know it later. 
We all face ifs and buts.. but its never too late.

I am a great believer of "whatever happens..happens for good".  Living through such phases in life, had made my belief stronger. Be it education or career, for me everything has come with a greater opportunity cost. 
When I see others associated with the biggest brands and earning and working..I feel foolish that my life is stuck in four walls. But deep within, I know I have worked my ass off.. to reach a respectable level. ... 
and while now that I remain on the shelf  because of situations and reasons , I have done other greater satisfactory things. I have lived... lived to grow and rise. 

However unsure I am about my future, I believe that good will hunt me down. Afterall, future is unpredictable and why waste on planning every minute.. (Recall the scene from Zindagi na milegi dobara -- who knows if you are going to live till 40) 




Life is full of surprises. Off late,  has been surprising me a lot. Living every moment and to the fullest.. 

Main Hun Queen!!

So what do you do when nothing is right!!...

Career :- I was at the peak of a stupendous career. All appreciations, awards, recognition were in my bag, when the law of diminishing returns found its applicability on me. My peers were surprised to know that I had put my resignation. It wasn't pleasant for me either. However, organisations doesn't stop working even if you do.

Love :- I have never had rosy bollywood ishtyle affairs with happy endings.  When I fell in love, I faced refusal, non acceptance, dismissal. Its then that you a get the chance to hear the saddest of bolly songs that you would have never heard of otherwise.

Often people need kicks and slaps/ a reality check to get out of the state of misery. Some are not brave enough too. It took me almost an year to revive but I was a bit fortunate, as it came to me in a format of travel. Changing social circle helps. Now I know people who 'inspire' people.

Life doesn't stop. Never did I and for whom!!

So this post had its name from the movie "Queen" because it just came at the right time for me and made me realize that you don't need to be dependent on somebody else for being buoyant, happy and cheerful.

Cosmos conspired and I followed !!!

Dreams continued !!

In this part of the story I shall narrate nothing different but the dream that continued...

London is a beautiful city. Not just because its too fancy but also because it has some kind of warmth in it.  People are kind, less of honking, more discipline in terms of traffic, specially when they stop the cars and allow pedestrians to cross first. Not to forget in every 10, you might just spot 3 Asians, you get Indian food very conveniently and it makes you feel home.
Men are less stunning (compared to Indian Men, as per me), but women are of different league. They are good looking, striking and no less than Hot.

It is a small city and hence the best way of exploring it is by walking. Of course the weather does allow you to do that. In Delhi, we boil at 48 degrees... one is not even in the senses to have courage to move around.

When I visited the city the second time(Yes Second time... there is a story behind that too.. shall be my 3rd blog), I went to many places on my own. The city is well connected with trains, happening to be the most appropriate medium to travel, all you need to have is a tube map.

In all this promotion of London, I forget to tell that I am fond of paintings. (Clarifies why Being Virtuoso). My Itinerary included visiting illustrious galleries like Tate and National Gallery.

As they say, Universe conspires and give you what you really want or by sheer serendipity I got to see the collection - Becoming Picasso











and the natural association happened ....